morphine

i did not take any tramadol last night. this morning, i popped a tramadol after i ate my breakfast. before i reach hospital, the same side effect came in. generally milder than yesterday (becos yesterday i took 2), but what if i wanna throw out in the middle of the radio treatment? i can't imagine that.

in the end i informed the radiologist, they told me to signal them by raising my hand if i feel like throwing out in the middle of the session. i think this is silly. i already told them i feel like throwing out now. i dun think they can come to my rescue on time if i signal them.

tuesday blood test, wednesday see chemo doctor for clearance, thursday chemo. last week i failed to clear for chemo, it happened this week again. my platelet count improved only 5L, i need another 10L to clear for chemo. so once again, tomorrow no chemo. in addition to the weight loss (today i'm 65.4), the doctor suspected it could be due to my eating. i told him i lost my lunch and didn't eat much for dinner yesterday due to the side effects from tramadol. he told me to discard the tramadol and put me on morphine.

i dunno how to describe my feeling. i feel myself a guinea pig testing different kind of medicine. tramadol, i definitely dun dare to take it any more. morphine, god knows what will happen after i took it. i feel like going back to the most basic paracetamol though i know it doesn't help much. at least it won't worsen things.