TURN

i'm still waiting for the TURN. over the weekend, i was still feeling worse over each day. although i know the turning point won't be so near (probably thursday), i still hope that it will come earlier... maybe tomorrow? since today i'm not going to do anything to worsen the condition?

turning point is so important to me. it means light in the darkness. it means tomorrow will be better than today.

so how bad am i feeling now? well, basically all the pain just got more severe. more drugs taken, but lesser relief, shorter sleep hours. body become very tired because i hv problem lying down. mouth and throat become very very dry. when i drink water, it just passed thru the mouth and the throat but never stay. even drinking water is a torture to me. the only thing that gets better (not bad huh? at least something gets better) is my numb fingers. the numbness is at least 80% gone. i can clip my nails using my left hand again.

psychologically i'm not so alright now. i can feel that fear has slowly invaded my mind. fear of giving up. i feel myself like a cliffhanger, hanging on a cliff with no end. looking up i dun see the sky, looking down i dun see the ground. physically i'm exhausted. letting go is so easy. hanging on? who knows how long more i need to go?