Recovery Report VII

yesterday, i went back to SGH ENT clinic for my first ENT post treatment review. i suddenly recalled what Prof. B. said to me during the last visit. "i need to refer you to national cancer centre. there's nothing i can do for you now. i'll see u again 6 months from now. in the mean time, i wish u all the best"

it's been 7 months since the day i know that i'm one of the specially selected person to fight the battle. 7 months... how time flies... i hv no prejudice against anybody in ENT, but i really hate the feeling of going back. perhaps i had been hit too hard during the previous visit. i received a piece of shit from ENT, and it had changed my life forever.

i waited 2 hours for the consultation. Prof. B said that my right ear is infected, which explained why i was feeling giddy the past 2 weeks, and could possibly be the reason why i get persistent ringing in the ear. he prescribed some ear lotion to me and scheduled an audio test for me at my next visit.

the next thing he did was to insert a scope into my nose and took some pictures. then he was very pleased to tell me that visually, my tumours (actually there were 2, one big one small) are gone. it was funny. i used the words "he was very pleased", becos he appeared to be happier than me at that point of time.

i dun deny that before the scope, the idea that i may not be healing that well bothered me a little. but this is only 2 months from my treatment. it does not mean that i'm recovered. in fact it does not even imply that cancer cells no longer exist in my nose. it's only "visually cleared".

i'm not being negative or pessimistic, but after all these while, i'd learned one thing. focus on the journey, not the destination.

so, let's forget about the destination. some good things along the journey i would like to share. this week, i had great improvement in my sense of taste. last friday, i met up my friends for dinner and the set dinner came with a complimentary cup of coffee. once a coffee lover, i parted coffee for 7 months. the taste of coffee reminded me that life is suppose to be full of fragrance. though alot of things have changed and they can never be reverted, alot of things still remain the same, until the day i die.

other than coffee, the other thing that i tried was curry. coffee and curry were the 2 things i missed the most during these 7 months. i dunno how to express the joy when i found out that curry is "acceptable" by my taste bud (and most importantly, it taste like the old curry i used to know). at that moment, i really feel like crying, it seems like everything has gone back to normal...

Recovery Report VI

last night, i received a phone call from malaysia. the caller is my long-lost co-worker as well as business partner when i was in klang. he received news about my illness (i didn't know i'm so famous that my news can travel 400km to klang) and had been trying very hard to contact me.

i can tell from his voice how much he worried about me and how anxious he was to find out abt my condition. i was very touched. at the moment, how i wish i could see him face to face and give him a good hug. shortly after we hung up, my phone rang again. this time it was from a boy who used to work for us when i was in klang. he even remembered the funny nickname i gave him 6 years ago.

when i was down with all the bad effects, there r numerous nights i thought of going back to klang for a visit. in fact one of the biggest regret i had at that time, was that i nvr pay klang a visit before i started my treatment. i missed ah bin ba kut teh, i missed ah peh ba chang, i missed the taman sentosa char kway teow, i missed the chicken feet in pulau ketam. i missed my good friend, and this cute little boy who adores me alot in the past.

they promised me that shortly they'll pay me a visit in singapore. i can't wait for the day to come. it would be even better if i could be there, but i doubt i'm fit to travel based on my current condition.

last thursday, i had some new side effects. my voice turned hoarse, my puffy face and neck become more puffy. i started to get some giddiness, some head-spinning feeling when i walk. i dun feel weak, but i just seems to hv problem balancing myself.

i rested over the long weekend, and i felt slight improvement at the beginning of the week. i called my treatment coordinator, told her about what i experienced, she said these r normal side effects pple may encounter after treatment, there's no need to be alarmed.

life is really unpredictable for me. it's been two months after my treatment, and seems like my health condition is ever-changing. i had quite difficult times coping with all these changes, but nothing is more difficult than the 2 months of hell period that i'd gone through during the treatment.

the only good improvement that i'd seen in myself over the last one week is, i finally can eat a little bit of spicy food. i can eat the green chilli which served with wanton noodles. this morning, i tried big red cut chilli and it's acceptable too. i'm really looking forward to trying out curry, one of the food i missed for months.

Recovery Report V

at the age of 65, one of my favourite actor Michael Douglas contracted throat cancer stage 4. i admired him for his optimistic, and i pray that he'll be able to pull through this toughest period of his life. if my cancer relapsed when i am 65, i will give up. not becos i think i'd live enough, but i hv 0 confidence i can pull through.

another week has passed. one significant improvement is , i'd finally regained > 80% of sweetness sensation. now my food taste so much better, all the soft drinks, all the fruit juices are giving me their original taste. life is full of sweetness.

i managed to jog 3km. my legs, my lungs r stronger than my mouth. whenever i run, i need to concentrate over my mouth (and throat), make sure i "keep" some saliva for hydration.

the ringing in my ears continue to get worse. it has become so loud that it irritates me very often.

another weird side effect which i just discovered not long ago, is a puffy neck and face i got. it gives pple an impression that i'd put on weight, but actually during this period of time, i'd gained only 1kg (now 64.5kg). i did a google and found out that the puffy neck and face is actually caused by damaged lymph nodes, it's not something very serious that i need to be alarmed.