Recovery Report IV

life is so unpredictable. things seems to turn better and worse in different aspects.

i considered myself to have resumed my regular runs, but non of the session lasted more than 2.5km. my legs can bring me further, but i'm just like a fish, after 2.5km, my throat and mouth become so dry that i could just vomit.

the ringing in the ears r getting worse than before and this could hv deteriorate into a psychological problem. my ears r now so sensitive to high frequency noise that i started to get confuse between noise from the surrounding and ringing in the ears. i started to get frustrated over all these "ringings", but there's nothing i can do.

for no reason, my mouth seems to become drier than before. the surrounding of my mouth started to stick to my gum, causing sores on the mouth. drinking more water does no help at all. due to this, i'm once again dependent on the oral spray (lubricant), carrying it along with me all the time, even during the run (how am i going to hold this and run a marathon?).

sounds demoralising? no, there r some goodies coming along with these. i'd regained more sense of taste. i think now i can get 10% of sweetness, 5% of saltiness and 15% of sourness. though quite pathetic, but my life is no longer tasteless! this contributes so much motivation to eat that i brought my wife to steamboat buffet last saturday. the feeling.... GREAT!

two days ago, i went back to ncc for medical review, the doctor did a scope into my nose and he comment that it's "healing" pretty well. i didn't ask what he meant by "pretty well", i guess at this point of time nobody dare to jump into conclusion (neither do i need any assumption).

overall, i'm still glad with what i am now. nothing can be worse than the last two weeks of treatment. i'm getting myself mentally prepared that some of these side effects will become part of my life until the day i die.

Recovery Report III

just when i thought i was doing pretty well, i had some setbacks last week. my first and only run lasted less than 1.5km. my knees were painful and i felt my steps floating in the air. the next day i had a slight fever. didn't know if it was caused by the run, but i stopped the run since then. as i said, it's not time to practice heroism. i know my limit.

the fever actually put me back on medication (some antibiotics), quite demoralising. my final blood test from the chemo doctor was pretty good except my white blood count was still a bit low. that ended my hopefully final visit to the chemo doctor (i won't be seeing Dr. DL anymore).

over this period of time, my taste bud improves a little bit. all the food r still tasteless, but the marigold peel fresh orange juice no longer taste (or smell?) like plastic, it taste more like orange juice now, except that it's neither sweet nor sour.

yesterday, i started my first day of work. it was really a mixture of good and bad feelings. after such a long break, it's difficult to get my engine started. u know, i now have the habit of taking afternoon nap. hahaha...

it's good to be working. a person who doesn't work feels left out by the society. there's no difference between weekdays and weekends, no difference between mid month and end-month. there's nothing to look forward to, and most importantly, i feel sick.

first day of work, the worst thing in the day happened during lunch time. i ordered a can of oldenlandia water and it taste like... beyond description. maybe you can try imagine the water you used to wash uncooked rice, then left in the open for a few days. 臭酸.

so, one more item added to the untouchable list.

Recovery Report II

it's been a week since my last post. my condition is very much improved compared to the previous week. i'd stopped all the unnecessary medicine prescribed to me, and finished all the necessary one (such as anti-biotic).

my burned neck has fully recovered except that the flesh is a little pinkish. i can finally go out without wearing jacket (i used to wear a jacket, zipped all the way up to conceal my horrible neck).

i can sleep, i can eat, i can walk. i sleep very well at night, no longer needed to wake up for hydration. i started to eat solid food, i can eat rice, eat bread, eat vegetables. i can do quite a bit of chewing. i no longer need to wait until my food to cool down to room temperature. i can eat lozenges, pepper, peppermint, even a little bit of chilli. when i eat in the public, i look just like anybody else.

i can go outside shopping the whole day. i can climb to the third storey (never try beyond that) without turning pale or feeling weak. i can do a great deal of walking which really tempted me to try running (i'm going to start this week).

so, am i fully recovered? NO.

my food still taste horrible. this is something which i really hate. when i eat in the public, i look just like anybody else. but no, actually i'm not. my food taste like shit. i dun enjoy my food at all. i still hate meal time. i dun like to eat. i wish i can go on without food. my wife has been trying to console me by commenting how tasteless was the food, how bad was the cooking. but i know it's different. no matter how tasteless was the food, it couldn't be worse than how i tasted the food.

pls, give me back my sense of taste...

Recovery Report I

it's been a week after my last day of treatment. the healing curve seems to slow down. there's no significant improvement over the past 3 days.

i'd totally stop the paracetamol, the morphine and the lidocaine (the anaesthetic gel). i still encounter some mild pain on the tongue, and severe pain in the throat, but they dun seems to affect too much on my eating. i've also started to eat slightly harder food. actually i believe i can eat solid food now, it's just that over such a long period of time, eating liquid food had weaken my teeth and jaws, making it very tough for the sudden switch now.

i planned to do some short walks this week. but i.m quite concern abt hydration. i'm now just like a fish. 15 minutes without water will leave my in anxiety. i prepared a small bottle to carry water with me during the walk, hopefully it works.

i'm still not quite able to talk due to the pain the throat. i hate it whenever my wife tried talking to me and expect an answer. most of the time i chose to ignore her completely.