funeral

we held a 4 days wake for my dad. the wake to us is merely something we did for the living ones. for us (me and my sister), nothing beats the feeling of losing our dad. the pain is something we'd not encountered before. the saddness, hurt so deep that we don't feel like living.

my dad, for once, he was the most important man of my life. when i was a little boy, whenever i ran into trouble, my dad will back me up. i felt safe and secure, becos i know my father will always stand by me. over years, i'd grown up. i made my own decision and solved my own problems. my dad no longer plays a important role in my life. now that i'd lost him, i realised that there isn't a second man to take up his position. though i'd been independent for so many years, the role of "most important man" has never changed. he is still the most important man of my life. in fact, he is the one and only man of my life.

on the funeral day, i suddenly had a weird thinking. i tried to imagine how my dad felt when my grandparents passed away. though i wasn't around to see how he handled his emotions, i guessed he was man enough to take up the responsibility of the family. as the eldest son, his emotions will affect the whole family.

i decided to suppress my emotion. i shall not cry before my dad. i am proud to be his son and i shall let him be proud of me. it was real tough, but i made it. i only cried after the coffin was pushed into the crematorium, after the door closed.