my HERO V

29th Oct is a friday. the doctor gave my dad a packet of blood due to the dropping in blood count. the drop was quite gradual, it didn't seem like it's something emergency.

as usual, i visited the hospital immediately after work. i saw my sister sitting outside the ward eating her dinner. she said dad didn't seems to respond to her when she tried talking to him earlier.

i went to my dad's bed, saw him opening his eyes. i called him and he turned his head to me. he was responding! i asked him if he wanna go home, he said yes. i asked him if he feels bored, he said yes. my sister was also very shock to see dad being so responsive. she wet a towel, clean his body, powder him, wet his lips, gave him a little bit of water. then we massage his hands, his arms, i played all his favourite music for him... to our surprise, he stayed awake for longer than an hour.

when the visiting hours over, we decided to stay longer for the quality time. since day 1 he was admitted to the hospital, he has never been awake for more than 1 minute. he had never open his eyes for more than 30 seconds. but this time round, he was awake!

we off the music, stayed by his side, holding his hands until he slowly fell back to sleep.

saturday morning, 30102010 845am, the doctor called me saying that my dad was not breathing so well, oxygen level dropped to 58% and now gotto put him on oxygen mask. the doctor said, "your father is very ill now, he may leave today..." he paused a while, probably thought of how strong our father was for the past two weeks, he changed his mind, "i mean 'may', he may not. but maybe you want to inform the rest of your family?"

i called my sister telling her what the doctor told me. we were not worry at all. for the past two weeks, there were more serious descriptions and in the end nothing happen. that's our dad, he won't be defeated so easily. just another false alarm.

since it's a saturday, we decided to go hospital earlier despite it's a "false alarm".

we arrived the ward at around 1030. my dad was being put to sitting position, unconscious, eyes closed. the BP machine attached to him showed that his SPO2 was 95% and his pulse rate 50. see? i said oredi, my dad is a fighter, he sure make it. his heart was still beating strong.

we held his hands and talked to him though he didn't seems to be listening. then suddenly, the SPO2 started to fluctuate. i thought the SPO2 wasn't properly fixed on him, so i tried to adjust it. the nurses came in to fixed an ECG on him. we didn't know what it means. then... we slowly know what's the purpose of the ECG.

i saw the pulse rate dropped to 15, then back to 50, then 25, then 0, then back to 45, then... then i started to cry... i wasn't prepared. i dunno... i refused to let him go, i pressed on the oxygen mask and the pulse rate came back. i did a few times, then it slowly loses ithe effect. i gave up, and i spoke my last words to him...

爸爸，不要怕，你走好，不要担心，我们长大了，会照顾自己，会照顾妈妈。走好，别怕。。。