it all came into my mind when i stumbled upon sundown marathon website. when was the last time i did a marathon? 2006? 2007? gosh, i dun even remember. i only know that as the registration fees got higher and higher, my heart turned colder and colder. but this time round, i thought otherwise. i started to recall the days when i did the marathon. i wasn't a fantastic runner, but i really like the feeling that i finished the run, it was an indication that i was fit and healthy.
but now... can i? for a moment, i was so tempted to sign up. u know that feeling? "f***! just do it!". then i thought of a friend's comment on running the marathon. he said,"whenever i ran a marathon, halfway through i will ask myself, what the f*** am i doing here? why the f*** am i paying money to torture myself like this?" yes, 'regret' is the word. i dun wan to sign up impulsively and then regret later. moreover, my regret may be far greater than this.
for the past few months, i'd been very 'contented' with my 5km run. i wish i could go further than this, but my dry mouth didn't allow it to happen, and i really hate the idea of running with hydration belt. it is so uncomfortable! and the degenerated nerves, i realised that it happened after fatique, the further i ran, next day the stronger is the electric-shock feeling. see? not i dun wan, it's i cannot...
i'd been thinking for a few days. then that morning, i woke up early for a run, i told myself if i could do a 10km slow jog, i'll sign up for the marathon. i jogged real slow at my favourite route along geylang river towards marina reservoir, then u-turn back home and i made it. mouth fully dried up but i did not vomit.
i got very excited after that. i never expect myself to be able to do a 10km again after going through so much. i started to dream that my health condition could be restored to the state before i had my chemo and radio treatment. i had cancer, i may die the next time it come to me, but who won't die? even if i dun run the marathon, does it mean that it will not come back?
i had no choice and i got cancer, but to live like a cancer patient or a normal person, the choice is mine. i dun wan to die on the bed, if i have to die, let me die in a run.
so, i signed up.
Gege, take care while you run - don't push yrself too hard!
ReplyDeletehi, i randomly received your email. i'm running the half marathon myself. my dad has lung cancer. he relapsed and recently completed his second chemo and radiation. i wish he were as strong as you. :/ i'll be passing your blog on to him and i hope it gives him hope and strength. i think what you're doing is outstanding.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration. Train well and take your time to complete the marathon. You can do it!
ReplyDeleteyou are not crazy. believe in yourself. you have already gone thru so much. whats there left to loose? go for it my friend. you sure have my respect for signing up for this marathon.
ReplyDeleteJust do it dude! Life kicks you in the balls, kick back! -MA
ReplyDeleteI take my hat off to you, sir. While many would probably give up, here you are running a marathon! You have my utmost respect! Hope you do well.
ReplyDelete