tour

it's been so long i last updated this blog. the past 2 months had been quite peaceful for me.


i dunno how to consider myself "got over" the demised of my father. i hardly think about it anymore, as if he'd left us for many years. i set up a picture of him in a corner of my house, every morning and every evening, i'll offer him a joss stick, wishing him wherever he is, safe, peace and happy. i did it until it has become a routine, i can look into his picture, stare at him with no grief. i thought i did so well until...


that night i was playing with my mobile phone. i went into my sms sent message folder to delete old sent messages and i read this msg which i wrote to my wife "i'll be late, my dad is in critical condition". it all came so suddenly and really caught me unprepared, my tears just flowed out for no reason. and u know when did this happen? when i was in cambodia enjoying my tour. 


i deleted the message with no second thought.


yes, i went cambodia for tour with my wife. frankly speaking, i wasn't very confident to go for a tour before i go. in fact before my trip, i asked the doctor if it's ok for me to travel. the doctor wasn't too sure how to answer my question, but can tell from her facial expression that things seems to be moving too fast for me. she expected half year after treatment i should still be resting at home!


i had a few concerns.


1) my dry mouth. though it'd been improved, but i still need to wet my mouth hourly, if not it would be too dry for me to talk. 


2) i became very worried when i thought of myself sitting in the airplane. remember? i was claustrophobic. i dunno if i'll turn hysterical if i realised i'm enclosed in the aeroplane.


3) not sure if i'd mentioned before. after my treatment, i'd been getting this electric shock feeling to the lower limbs when i turn my head. according to the doctor, this is one side effect some radiation patients are getting, except that i'm getting it much earlier. i asked the doctor if this will deteriorate, the doctor refused to answer. i was on Vit B12 supplements for the past 4 months.


the trip turned out to be quite an enjoyable one. i brought along a "camel-bak" (hydration bag in bag-pack) which i initially purchased for my marathon training. the camel-bak was fully utilised. it allowed me to carried 1.5 litre of water without obstructing my motion. when i need water, all i need to do is to suck at the feeding tube, how convenient! i did not go hysterical in the airplane. i even challenged myself by locking myself inside the lavatory for quite a while. i won't say i enjoy the flight (cos i never enjoy flying), but it wasn't the worst one i had. to my surprise, the electric shock feeling seems to recover despite the amount of walking we had. now it only comes back occasionally after i did my run.


it sounds silly, but that's really how i feel. i'm glad that i'm able to go for tour just like anybody. i feel myself a step closer to a normal life.


my cambodia trip:　http://chenla.blogspot.com