my HERO II

i always think that making a life and death decision for the love one is one of the most painful thing to do. to sustain my father, it could mean that we'll put him through all the sufferings which he may not want. to let him go, it means that we are going to kill him.

before things moved on to this stage, my sister and i came to a conclusion that no matter what, we will do our best to sustain him. but after knowing that it was a big C in his stomach, i changed my mind. i once said that if my cancer relapse at a age of 65, i will not fight. ill be glad that i'd been given so many extra years, and i'll go willingly. so operation is not an option for me.

anyway, we didn't get to make that decision.

wednesday morning abt 5am, my sister called me. the doctors from ICU informed her that our dad was critical. by the time we reached there, our dad was once again resuscitated. the doctors called us in for a meeting again.

conditions arose when my dad's heart rate shot up to 180. they defibrillated him once to bring him back. the defibrillation may had caused some damages to the brain. the sudden surge of heart rate is an indication that his heart is suffering from some damages from the previous low blood count.

to date, his heart, his kidneys, his lungs, his stomach and maybe his brain showed some damages. again, the doctor's recommendation is to let him go.

since operation is no longer an option, the next option we have is angiography. we signed the paper and the doctor will do it when my dad's condition is considerably stable.

i didn't spend the rest of the day in the hospital, i got another hospital to visit, SGH National Cancer Centre, to get my report for the 3-month post treatment MRI and blood test. it was a big thing for me. if i was cleared, i could consider myself remitted. if i wasn't, i may need to go for operation to remove residual cancerous cells.

before my dad was hospitalised, i was quite worry about this day. my life had slowly gone back to normal, i really dun wan to hv another big change. but since the day my dad was hospitalised, i totally forgotten about worrying.

when i walked towards NCC, i had a feeling that time has gone back to the day i went to ENT clinic, when i was diagnosed with NPC. it was a horrible feeling. after that day, my life changed drastically.

i cleared both the MRI and the blood test.

suddenly i had a feeling that my dad had taken away the illness from me. 30 over years ago, he gave me my life. today, he exchanged his life for mine.