my HERO III

after the doctors told us so many times "be prepared", "critically ill", "let him go comfortably", we were well prepared that we'll be losing him anytime. yet it was also then, situation seems to improved.

his conditions were quite stable. thursday noon, they perform angiography to catch another bleeding point and block it completely. things turned out to be pretty good. the doctors called us in for meeting again. this time round, they used the word "future plan" and for the first time, never tell us to "be prepared". i think they finally realised how strong is my father. we'd been telling them many times that my dad is a fighter, he will fight all the way to the very last minute. he didn't want to die, just like me. u may consider we are cowards, fear of death. we hv different perception of life. we only get to live once, we dunno if there's a heaven or hell, whether there's rebirth. this may be our only chance to live, to feel, to think. no matter what (as long as it's not too painful to live), we'll live till the very last moment of our life.

so what's his future? the doctors said they'll continue to monitor him in ICU, until he is stable enough, then will transfer him to the general ward. the angiography is rather successful, but that was the last thing they had to do on him. should any internal bleeding occurs, if minor, they do transfusion, if major, they'll not do anything. nothing to sign, nothing to decide, that's my dad's "future".

dad fell into very deep sleep. maybe he was just too tired to remain awake. when we shouted for him, he opened his eyes a little bit and gave some minimal reactions. i was very very happy. before this, i thought i may not get a chance to talk to him anymore. now, i was given an opportunity to tell him everything i wanted to say. how can i ask for more?

we started to discuss what to do after dad's departure, the ritual style, which columbarium to choose, what to do with the maid (we employed her to take care of dad) etc. no doubt the doctor is getting a little positive, it didn't cast much effect on us. i see the whole situation as, "u had already done the last thing u can do, if something happened again, u r not going to do anything."

dun blame the doctors. we really seen how hard they tried to save my dad. since day 1 my dad got admitted, we'd seen many times so many pple crowded around my dad trying to bring him back to live. there wasn't a second patient in the ward or ICU who required so much attention. they didn't owe us anything, they did their best to save my dad and we truly appreciate that.