return

some pple believe that the deceased will come back on the 7th day (to be precised, the 6th night after demised). questions hv been brought out regarding how true it is. all the while, i believe that the deceased live in the heart of the living. if u believe, then anything may happen. if u dun, then it does not exist at all.

i miss my dad. my dad is somebody who refused to go out of the community when he was still around. he is the kind of person who think 一动不如一静. he didn't know how to take a bus, probably didn't even know how to take a cab. before he retired, he walked to the market everyday (he was a vegetable seller). the very last time he travelled longer than this, was 1995, he went thailand with my mum for tour. after we moved into the new house, he refused to even go downstairs for a walk.

when he passed away, one of the biggest worry i had was "does he know how to come home?" "is he trapped in the hospital?". this would be dreadful to him, being trapped in the hospital. i'd rather he is being trapped at home.

because of this big worry, and also IN CASE, the return on the 7th day is real, i decided to prepare something for him.

i bought a thin booklet, sat down with my sister, each of us use a marker pen to write messages for him (since it was believed that the living should avoid the deceased when he returns).

before 11pm, i burned a joss stick, prepared his favourite fish head soup, a can of ABC extra stout and some groundnuts, lit up a stick of marlboro, on the tv, left the living room lights on, door opened and then went to sleep.

the next day, everything seems to remain the same, everything untouched. my wife said that the soup level dropped by 20%, my mum said in the middle of the night somebody knocked on her door. i didn't believe.

so my biggest worry was still there. is my dad being trapped in the hospital? for once, i really thought of making a trip to cgh mortuary, wander a while then come back home from there, hopefully he spotted me and follow me back home. but, i'm not superstitious enough to perform such a silly act.

i continued to surf the net, found more info on "returning of the spirit". then i came across an article, saying that the taoist actually has a different calculation for "returning of the spirit". it said that when a person passed away, his spirit will go underground. the depth could be calculated based on the day and the hour of his death. then everyday his spirit will raise by 1 foot. until he finally raised above ground, then he'll come home. the calculation can even tell what time he'll reach home, what time he'll leave and the direction of his arrival and departure.

the calculation wasn't difficult. i computed that my dad was buried 13 feet underground, so he'll come back home on 10th November 11pm, he'll leave the house at 1am. i skipped the direction part cos i was only concern whether he knows his way back home.

on the 10th, again i bought a can of stout, a packet of hand brand groundnuts (his favourite), a packet of marlboro and two BA BAO (pork bun, oso one of his favourite). i laid out everything properly, moved my laptop to the dining table, created a playlist with all the songs i played for him on the night before he passed away.

i closed my bedroom door, off the light and lied on the bed listening carefully to the surrounding. about half an hour later, suddenly my wife beat on my arm and complained that i was making too much noise that i was disturbing her sleep. i told her i didn't make any noise, in fact i was awake! she ignored me and fell back to sleep. 5 minutes later, she beat me again and made the same complain. i stressed to her that i was all the while awake and i know better if i'd made any noise.

i had a very bad night. i didn't really sleep, but daydream throughout. i didn't quite remember what it was all about, but obviously it has got something to do with my dad. 4am, i went out to clear the things i prepared for my dad. again, everything seems untouched. i slept at 5:30 in the morning.

the next day, i asked my mum did she had any special encounter. she said at around midnight, she heard a noise like somebody sitting on the sofa, rubbing the skin against the leather. i thought it was psychological. i proceeded to ask my maid the same question and to my surprise, she gave the same answer as my mum.

i asked my wife what exactly was the noise she heard, she said it was a groaning sound came from the direction i was lying. the groaning was continuous and it was too noisy for her to sleep. at first she insisted that i was the one who made the noise, until i asked her this question, "did u ever hear me making such noise in my sleep?"

my dad always made such noise in his sleep. continuous groaning as if he was in pain (but actually he wasn't, probably just too tired).

so, did my dad came back? i guess so. at least now i no longer worry about him couldn't find his way out of CGH. i'm now worrying that he is feeling too sad to part with us.

爸爸，安心走吧，你不走，来世我们怎做父子？