getting the news (replayed)

it is interesting to read own story happening on other pple, although it's actually the other way round, other pple's story happening on me. nvr in my life i expected myself to be picking up a book like this: true story of a cancer patient. i dunno what i wan out of this book. definitely not some kind of motivations to fight (which i believe i hv more than robert schimmel), nor means to humor myself or pple around me. perhaps i just wanna know if pple of "my kind" were having the same thinking as me. or am i right or wrong to behave what i'd behaved. am i the only weird specie in this world.

the book started with the chapter "getting the news", quite similar to my blog huh? hehehe... robert were with his parents in the clinic. this was surprising to me. is he some kind of mummy's boy? it's so funny. i always believe that the best condition to receive the news is to receive it alone, so that one can slowly digest and straighten the thoughts out. well, it proved that i'm right. "I have to find my way back to reality and comfort my parents, my protectors. Even though I'm the one with the big C stamped on my forehead, I feel I have to protect them, I don't know if they can deal with this." so i was fortunate i was all alone when i received the news.

the doctor told robert, "There's Hodgkin's disease, and non-Hodgkin's disease. You have non-Hodgkin's lymphoma." robert cracked his first joke, "just my luck, I get the one not named after the guy." i like this one. hahaha...

then what he thought was exactly the same as me, "I realize instinctively that even though I've been told I have cancer, I haven't been told that I'm going to die." so again, i'm not the only one on earth to think this way, i'm normal. hahaha...

"Some patients find that using marijuana during chemotherapy helps with the nausea and appetite loss. It's actually safer and a lot more mild than most of the anti-nausea injections they give you..." damn, why is this not offered in singapore? hahaha...

"You said I hv 6 to 8 months if treatment doesn't work and 51% of going 2 yrs without it coming back. i don't like this 2 options. There's another option. A third option. And that is that it never comes back." i guess this is what everybody would called "positive". i'm not being positive, and i dun find anything wrong with that. being positive is not just by telling urself that u'll be ok. u gotto believe it. i dun think robert believe that he'll be fine. he's just not prepared to die. i'm prepared to die, anytime. but that doesn't mean that i'm giving up. i dun need that "blind" faith to boost my fighting spirit. i'll fight the battle my way.