thursday

for the next few weeks, i'm going to hate thursday. radio + chemo, the effect is more than just physical. i hate it. since yesterday, i was depressed becos today is thursday.

this is just the second week, with all the side effect that i'm combating, i'm oredi feeling very uncomfortable and tired. it seems like weekly is too frequently for my body to take it. i'm feeling worse over time. i'm a human. i'm not a rubberband, can u pls stop pulling me apart?

just woke up from my afternoon nap. actually woke up wasn't a good term. i had a feeling that my head was placed under the hot sun. my body was cool, but my head was sweating although the fan was already blowing direct on my face for hours. my throat, very dry. this is something new.

the only thing good abt thursday is that after the double shot, i know i hv a 6 days interval before the next one. it's sad that things r going to happen this way, but these r the things i need to live with if i wan to live on.

now, i understand why robert got to tell himself "the chemo is good for my cancer". yes, as time goes on, one will lose concentration on "why" and just focus too much on the "what". i guess i need to work harder in "detaching" my mind from the body.

talking abt today's treatment, it wasn't that bad. after a wk, i'm no longer intimidated by the mask, the huge machine and the 20 minutes immobility. i'm still writing the sutra although i can go thru without doing so. i'm just hoping that by doing so could be a little help to any claustrophobia who is going to lie down here.

being a premium member (radio + chemo), the waiting time is greatly shorten. this is another great improvement compared to the phase 1 chemo. i made friends with some of the nurses at ATU, they were touched by my positive attitude and jovial conversation.

week 14. i'm still able to eat, i can still walk. feeling very uncomfortable, but i'm still strong. very depress at times, but never thought of giving up.