last one

last night i took a spoonful of morphine, and i went to sleep. in the middle of the night, i woke up twice due to the dryness in the throat, drank some water, endured a while for the pain, went back to sleep. consider the best sleep for the past 2 weeks.

woke up at 8, breakfast at 9, morphine at 10, then i knocked out again. woke up at 12, i felt very very tired. if not becos i need to eat my lunch then go for the last session of radio treatment, i would probably sleep till 2pm, morphine again, sleep to 6, morphine, sleep to 10...

damn. this is not the kind of life i want. at least not now.

nothing special with the last session. after i finished, the therapist ask me if i wan to bring back the mask. during the split second, thoughts were flying across my mind. it's a weird thing that pple will wan to keep the mask. why would i wan to bring the mask home? souvenir? keep in the store room so that the next time my friend visit, i'll tell them, "nah, this is the mask i used for radiation therapy..."? bring home wear it and take some pictures, then throw it into the rubbish bin?

i still keep the oldest pair of my army uniform which i worn since BMT all the way until i ORD until i finished my reservist. i still keep my super duper worn out jersey which i worn during every training session in my old college days. there r many things i would like to keep becos they bring back sweet and bitter memories of the olden days. but the mask? no. i think it'll only bring back tears and sorrows. nothing more than that. how i wish i could brainwash this part of he memory forever.

i was scheduled to see radiation oncologist one month later, ENT doctor two months later. then, byebye, i HOPE, i didn't need to go back there again.

now, i'm left with the last session of chemo.