dear friends, i wanna tell u, i really appreciate all ur care, concern and encouragement. many times when i was feeling down, it is ur words that lifted me up again.
i did not reply, becos i dunno how to reply. "thank u"? no, u deserve far more than a big "thank u". then, r we going to hug each other and weep over my mishap? hahaha... no, so sorry, that's not me.
initially, i got really pissed off by some of the phone calls i received. probably becos i wasn't prepared to answer all the funny questions. as for my friends, i guessed they too were not prepared for the news. when they heard about it, it is just natural that they wanna find out more.
the number one blown-my-top-off question: WHY LIKE THAT? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING ON U? i guess this friend of mine was feeling very sad and sorry for me. i read from some cancer forums that most pple when they first knew they got cancer, that's the first question they asked themselves, "why me?". this question nvr came into my mind. it's stupid and meaningless to brood over such a question.
the next question: HOW U DISCOVER? HOW U GET IT? friends who asked these questions probably got over from the shocking state, so they could ask something more "sensible". in order to answer to the first question, i need to repeat the old, long, dirty grandfather story. as for the next question, i think wiki can answer better than me.
the third question: HOW R U (FEELING NOW)? my answer to this question is actually very crude, "before u ask this question i was feeling ok, now i feel like shit." so far i dun think i'd gave this answer to any of my friends. if this is the answer u got from me, i hope u'll forgive me. i was agitated becos u reminded me of what i'm going thru.
i admit that emotionally i may not be stable (but still far from the extent of breaking down and cry lah... hahaha... ). i got heated up easily and can be very sensitive towards the words i received. so dear friends, i'm keeping a distance from u not becos i dun appreciate u as my friend. it's more becos i'm not ready to face u and i dun wan additional stress in handling "PR".
dear all, i read every single word that u wrote and i received every piece of thought embedded in the message. this is what i wanna tell u: i love u.
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things." (1 Corinthians 13:11)
ReplyDeleteNo need to apologize, I trust all of us are mature enough to understand. Stay in this mode of protocol you have to be for now. There is always a threshold one (you) can hold. Live straight bro.