the verdict

18th feb 2010, this is the day my blue sky turned gray. in the morning i walked like a zombie to the hospital. it's like a convict waiting for a death sentence to be announced.

it was 10 days after my scoping and tissue extraction for biopsy. i still recalled on the 8th february 2010, the negative look the ENT doctor gave me after the scoping. this may not be a bad thing. at least i had a full 10 days to get myself mentally prepared before i hear the verdict.

when the verdict was read to me, i did not feel much difference in me. on the other hand, i was quite relieve to hear the doctor saying "chances of recovery is high". my calmness upset the doctor a bit. he spoke out slowly putting special emphasis esp on the last word, "the tumour in ur nose is malignant, you hv nose cancer'. i smiled and told him, "i know. it's not that bad afterall, u r not saying something like i only hv 3 or 6 months more to live, right?"

then, what happened next really made me hate all the pple in the ENT clinic. before i left the consultation rm, both the doctor and the nurse gave me the "feel" that they wanna hold my hands and say "hope to see u again". the same thing happened to the counter staff after referring me to national cancer centre. she told me to "take care" and gave me the farewell look.

after i "bided farewell" to all the ENT staff, the first question that came into my mind is "who to tell", followed by "how to tell". surprisingly, the first person who know is not my wife, not my sister too. it's my boss. probably becos i'm obligated to inform him but not required to write him long story. so this is easy. i wrote him a message "nose cancer. no mood to talk, lots of things to sort out, talk tmr"

i guess the most difficult thing is to share with the closest pple in ur life. the next person i told was my best friend. he called becos he knew that the report would be out. he was too shock to respond. i shared a bit on the positiveness of the condition to lighten the conversation. then we hanged up the phone.

my wife one was tough. she was shock. on top of all the positiveness ( i purposely changed the % of 5-yr DSS to % of fully recovery) of the condition, i need to crack some jokes to bring her back to normal. she did not break down.

my sister knew abt it the next day when i ran into her at the coffeeshop. when i told her, she cried. fortunately my brother-in-law was with her.

my parents knew about it few wks later after my staging was out. both shocked and remained silence throughout. one key point to note, my sister was the one breaking the news to them.

then i engaged some "representatives" to do all the PR jobs. my sister to inform and handle all "enquiries" from relatives including parents. my best friend to handle all "enquiries" from my friends. then i fired some emails, some SMSs, some facebook msgs to inform all those pple whom i think i should inform. all with the content of "seeking their understanding that i do not wish to be disturbed during the next few months".