worse than chemo

7th april, another wednesday. i missed the appointment of doing the blood test. so things screwed up by quite a little bit. my treatment coordinator need to put me under urgent, cut me into the queue in order for me to keep up with my time schedule.

after a week break, i was feeling slightly better with the nausea feeling fell to a minimum, pimples and rashes going off. going back for chemo made my morale dropped a little, as i'm expecting myself to thru the same old shit again for the next 3 weeks.

it all came suddenly when my treatment coordinator appeared before me and said, "u can't go chemo today, ur blood count is too low." before i got over from my shock, she changed all my subsequent appointment, treatment date and then asked me to go home and rest and i was then suppose to be too weak for any activities.

i stood outside NCCS didn't know where to go and what to do. i was expecting that i'll be spending the whole day in hospital, but it just suddenly changed. come for chemo made my morale dropped, being rejected from chemo made me feel even worse. my 18 wks treatment become 19 wks. i wasted one whole morning in NCCS, 3 test tubes of blood in exchanged for a 1 wk extension on my treatment.

i was completely lost. i thought of going back office to work, thought of going home to rest. in the end i ended up in the train bringing me far from both my home and office. i just didn't know where to go.

i told both my sister and my wife i got rejected for chemo due to low blood count. my wife said she'll buy pig liver and cook for me as supper. my sister said we should be happy that i hv one more wk break, so she'll pack dinner home and we'll celebrate instead. hahaha... she so cute...

in the end, i didn't go back office. i went home. i googled on "low blood count", thought of what should i eat for the next 1 wk, how can i improved on my blood count. i hate this. i couldn't imagine if my chemo is postponed due to all these stupid reasons every now and then, when is my suffering going to end then? no, such things should not happen again.